Mourning


My grandmother passed away early yesterday.

I feel foggy with sadness. Possibly it is also because I slept for twelve hours today and have consumed mostly cookie dough, Diet Coke Lime, and a few hours of TIVOed As the World Turns. I just attempted to adjust the iTunes sound by pausing the TIVO remote.

Memories keep catching me off-guard, ending in either laughter or tears. Sometimes both. Periodically I regret that I didn’t get to say goodbye in person and wonder if she knew, really knew enough, how much I loved her. And then I think how she would yell at me for worrying about it. She knew.

She was such an amazing, strong, generous person. I am sad to have lost her, but so grateful to have had her as an inspiring presence in my life for 28 years.

We were at lunch yesterday with my family–horribly, it was also my dad’s birthday–when my uncle mentioned that some books she ordered had just arrived. Large-print romances. They were discussing whether to return them, or…? And I remembered how much she loved the brand-new library in our hometown. She was so excited when it opened last year. Literacy was important to her. She loved to read and tutored illiterate women for awhile. She continually stressed to her grandchildren how vital reading and writing are. I suggested that we donate her books to the library. I think she would really like that. It made me feel a little better.

I also found myself thinking ahead to Christmas, how I might honor her memory. I am leaning toward donating to the Harbaugh-Thomas Library in Biglerville in her name. But I would absolutely consider literacy organizations as well. Does anyone have any favorites?

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